Help

I would like to restore a classic car over the next couple of years and I need input. These are the Cars I think would be cool, any other ideas?

'69 Dodge Charger (General Lee from Dukes of Hazzard)
Early 50's Chevy Pickup
Classic Mini Cooper
Early 50's Studebaker convertible
Model A Ford (20-30's)
68 Mustang

I think a convertible would be cool to drive around, but so would a muscle car, or Studebaker (get it Stud Baker, if I left out the E?!)

Any other ideas? Comments?

Christmas Tree

This year we went to the "Children's Miracle Network" to buy our tree. The money goes to Charity so we didn't mind spending a few more dollars. The sales man said something about a citrus smelling tree that looked like a Hershey Kiss. We usually just get a Douglas fir, they are cheaper and look the same. Well, I bought the more expensive tree, against my better (and cheaper) judgement.

I now have more pine needles than carpet fiber in my living room. Despite watering it every day and keeping the kids away, the pine needles were Jumping off the tree like lifeboats on the Titanic.

So, Last night was it. We have plugged up our old vacuum bag with needles and decided to take the tree down. Bridget held the tree as I unscrewed the base. I lifted the tree, headed for the door and hauled it to the dumpster.

As I got closer to the dumpster, I noticed it getting lighter. After disposing of the tree, I followed the trail of pine needles to the house. We spent the next half hour cleaning the needles and now our house smells like the mountains.

This morning, I was taking other trash to the dumpster, I noticed my tree, naked, lonely and nearly needleless lying on a pile of melting snow and gave it a shake. Not a needle fell!

Lessons Learned this Christmas season:
1. Never buy the more expensive tree, it will shed worse, cost more and be just as big a mess to clean up.
2. Tree clean up makes your house smell great!
3. If you don't want to clean up needles after taking the tree down. Lay it on a bed sheet and wrap it up.
4. If you really don't want to clean up needles, either set the tree up outside, or shake it needleless before bringing it in the house.
5. I am not sure... but if you were to burn one of the trees in front of the the others at the tree stand, you might be able to scare the other needles into staying on.

Happy Boxing Day!

Marty McFly and 1985

Bridget and I were discussing some of the good books we have read recently. I was telling her what a fan I was of the Classics and how I graduated from high school and college without having to read them. I am currently trying to make up for that. I have read Crime and Punishment, Les Miserable, Animal Farm, Count of Monte Cristo, The Invisible Man, All the Sherlock Holmes stories, and countless others.

Before reading George Orwell for the first time, I thought 1984 was the prequel to Back to the Future trilogy.

Snow Day

So today is Sunday. I was called to shovel the sidewalks at church. On my way in, I heard NPR. They were announcing what churches were cancelled! We are the only church with services on THE SUNDAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS.

The major roads aren't that bad, but the neighborhoods are pretty slick. It took me 45 minutes to get my car into the garage without hitting anything or getting stuck.

I remember getting excited about no church as a kid. I think I would be bummed if they canceled it today! (Especially now that I a wearing my Sunday Clothes and tie.)

Merry Christmas everybody. (Is sledding in my own backyard with Eli breaking the Sabbath?)

Snow

How sad is it that I have never had Snow Ice Cream until today?

I was raised with snow every winter, sledding, snow forts, snowball fights, home made Ice rinks, Icicle wars, snowman mutilation, tubing, hickbobbing, donuts, fishtails, driving on frozen lakes, tubes behind trucks, drift tunneling, drift jumping, ER visits for frostbite/stitches/injuries from sledding, barefoot racing around the house, snow days, ice immersion-jacuzzi jumping, and ice fishing and Yet never had Snow Ice Cream?

My TEXAN wife introduced me to it! And it is GOOOOD!

Clearly my superior.

By the way, my phone is now working intermittently so if you need me feel free to call.

Sprint and Nextel

So, I was a T-Mobile user before getting married and switching to Sprint. I don't really care about providers, I figure if I want to drop calls and spend my minutes asking "is that better," than any service would be fine.

And for the most part I can't tell a difference.

Recently, Dora found my PDA/Phone and thought the little buttons and connections tasted good. Now my phone doesn't work. So, I needed a new one. Here is what I have found out:

1.Sprint on the phone customer service is an oxymoron, and I mean MORON. I spent 45 minutes on the phone to find out I should just go to Bust Buy and get a new phone for full price.
2. Best Buy cant sell me a phone without a new contract.
3. The Sprint store on Union Deposit Street Harrisburg has apparently no cell phones to lend, borrow, buy, or steal. And the Solitaire on their computer was more important than this paying customer. They told me to go to THE OTHER STORE!
4. THE OTHER STORE informed me that because my area code was 254, I would have to go back to Texas to get a new phone and they couldn't help me. Their manager was too busy texting his girlfriend to even make eye contact in the store!
5. A different Sprint store told me to go to their sister branch and they could get me a used phone.

So SPRINT and NEXTEL.... Probably aptly named because I will sprint to the next cell company that comes along.

If you work for Sprint, why is it hard to find someone that is either competant or motivated?

Also, if you are trying to get a hold of me... use the home phone please.

HOT Dogs

So, I recently learned something.

The hot dogs at K-Mart are not worth eating. Last week, Eli hadn't had dinner yet and we were running errands. I was also hungry so we got hot dogs. K-Mart has one of these little cafe things where they have slushies, nachos, and hot dogs. From what I could tell they had been under the heat lamp at least 4-6 days, so long in fact, that instead of being plump and juicy, they were shriveled and leathery. It was more like Dog Jerky than Hot Dog. Which brings us to the meat: I don't know what goes into a hot dog, I prefer not to know. As long as it is juicy and tasty, I
don't care if it is pork, beef, or chicken skin. This hot dog however, had a grainy texture that was either sawdust, or dog meat.

You are probably blaming me for where I got the food. Well, you would be right. I mean if you want a steak you don't go to McDonald's, if you want Shrimp you don't go to Wendy's, and if you want good food, you don't go to Taco Bell.

Well, as any connoisseur of hot dogs knows, the best ones come from the most questionable places: street vendors, sporting events, and Wienerschnitzel. K-mart falls into that category. If any hot dog has the potential, it is the questionable rotisserie, recycled grease, and underpaid employee at K-Mart.

I gambled, I lost.

Eli Lost too... as the contents of his stomach ended up in his bed the next morning.

Stay tuned for a helpful homemaking tip: remove the hot dog chunks before putting sheets in the washer. They do not dissolve like I thought they would and Bridget did not appreciate my "help" when she had to pick them out later.

Eli's Bed

I got Eli up from his nap.

He was happy to see me.

He showed me a wet spot on the bed.

He then informed me it "rained" on his bed.

Yeah... I need to go change the sheets.

Update

The night shift.

I have no Idea when I am supposed to eat. Working nights means my day starts at 10pm and ends at 7am. So I sleep from 8a. the problem is my body jerks awake at noon and tells me to wake up. The frustrating thing is that dinner is now at 7 am, and breakfast at 1pm. Well, Eggs and toast at Noon seems wierd, steak at 7 am seems odd too.

Cold cereal can be eaten at any time, but isn't really filling or lasting so if I don't eat a decent meal at 7am, I wake up hungry. Then I don't know when to eat my meal before work. As a result, I eat 5 meals perday and still seem hungry. Does anyone have any Ideas of a good meal that can be eaten at any time of the day? (steak and eggs, waffles, cold cereal are all I could come up with)

In other news, Bridget, Eli and Dora all come home today! wahoo!

No more lonely house!
Christmas music is on the Radio!
I got the decorations down!
I put the decorations from thanksgiving away!
I have 7 months left of residency!
I finished "the invisible man," "Treasure Island," and "Dr Jekly and Mr Hyde." and am starting on "David Copperfield"
I bought a motorcycle and will post pictures soon
I miss my wife.

Empty House

Similar to hearing the waves in a sea shell, if you listen to a house when the kids are gone, you can still hear crying.

Bridget and the kids are in Houston for Thanksgiving, I am working. Last night I slept alone with all the doors open and I swear Eli and Dora cried all night. Kind of creepy. I even got up once to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

I miss you honey

And the kids too.

announcement

So, I went to the gym yesterday and the treadmill kicked me off after an hour. I restarted it and ran another mile. I ran 8 miles yesterday and felt like I could have kept going. Bridget ran 6 miles the day before so I obviously had to out do that. But it got me thinking...

How hard can a marathon be? 8 miles is just under 1/3 of the total distance and it didn't really bother me too much. I haven't even trained, but I am in shape.

So I did a google search and found a marathon on a Saturday in a place that I actually think would be fun.

So in December of 2010 I am going to run in the Baton Rouge Louisiana Marathon. 26.2 miles. I have a year to train (WAY more than enough time).

Anyone want to join? You get a T-Shirt!

today's damage

So here is the tally for the day. I have gone through:

one excedrin

two aleve

four tylenol

one pizza

Finding Nemo

Horton Hears a Who (one and a half times)

two bottles of chocolate milk (one spilled)

one package of gerber bananas

6 baby bottles

6 diapers

the car museum

K-Mart

one package of balloons (best purchase ever)

Here is what I learned:

If you put your baby in a size 5 diaper, you can go longer in between changes without risking over filling.

Two-year-olds never tire of chasing balloons over the house.

After about three consecutive balloons I become Light headed.

Filling up balloons makes headaches worse.

Nap time makes dada's headache better.

Mom's do not get paid enough.

Miss you honey, only 24 more hours!

6:54AM

Bridget is in NYC for a conference. I am watching the kids on my days off.

It is 6:54am.

Already I have cleaned up an entire bottle of Eli's chocolate milk. Apparently I wasn't doing it right so he took the cap off and dumped all 12 ounces on the table/chair/floor.

While he was doing that the baby fell and hit her head on the coffee table.

While I was calming her down and cleaning him up, Dora spit up.

As I was cleaning that up, Eli got into the freezer and pulled out baking soda and dumped it all over the floor.

While I was cleaning that up, Dora fell...

I think I am done cleaning till the Kids go down for a nap...

Eli is currently running around the house with his hands out like an airplane with a Turkey decoration in one hand and the ballpopper in the other.

Dora is crying now.

I miss my wife.

What to expect when you're expecting

There is a book entitled "what to expect when you're expecting." It details, fairly inclusively, what to expect as a pregnant mother, but not that helpful for the fathers. There are several books out there that describing the first year of your baby's life. I skimmed these books and paid attention in Med school. Let me tell you something. These books don't even come close to covering what Eli has put us through. Again, I have compiled a list of things that I never expected.

1. Poop. I have changed lots of diapers and deal with diarhea daily at work, while I'm not a fan of it, but it doesn't bother me to change a poopy. However, I had no clue how exposive it would be! There really is no way to prepare for changing bed sheets, and bathing kiddos, because the explosion reaches the back of their neck. And now your whole house smells too.

2. Loss of privacy. Everything is now a "team effort." Want to go to the store, you take a kid. Want to go for a run, you take a kid. Want to read a book, it better have pictures because Eli will want to read too. Want to make toast (see previous entry), better plan on having someone help. Want to go to the bathroom, better leave the door open or Eli will scream and think you are doing something fun without him.

3. Loud noises. I expected to hear crying, whining, yelling, shouting, screaching, grunting, pouting, begging, and nagging. What I did not expect is the decibel and octave accompyning the aforementioned sounds. These are mind numbing and migraine inducing (how is it possible to have a numb mind and a migraine at the same time? Come hang out here.)

4. Energy. I spent 2 hours tonight playing with Eli, tickeling, lifting, bouncing, chasing, being chased, being tickled, eating, feeding and being fed. I am beat, and all I did was wind him up. I wish I had that energy! Give me some of whatever he is on!

5. Guilt. As troubling as Eli can be, I feel bad when I don't spend more time with him. I have work to do, work to go to, church meetings, scripture study, workout... whatever I am doing I feel guilty for not spending more time playing (or having the energy to play) with Eli. Then, I feel guilt for not having worked harder at whatever it was I put aside.

6. Sticky. I don't think any book in the world will prepare you for how sticky your stuff can get. I recently opened the fridge, sticky. Opened the garage door, sticky. Computer keyboard and mouse, sticky. Arm chair, sticky. TOILET SEAT, sticky. Flashlight, sticky. DVD player, TV, Remote, Couch and coffee table, all sticky. WHERE is he getting this goup? And how did he get it on the inside of my jacket?

7. Leaves. Fall just came this week and the leaves are starting to fall. Eli Loves kicking them, playing with them, and of course bringing them in the house.

8. Robins and other birds feed their young by prechewing food. I am a parent so should be prechewing food, unfortunately, I am the recipient. What else are you supposed to do with the crackers, granola bars, or fruit snacks that get spit into your hand during church?

Counting

Eli is learning to count! We are so proud of him. Ask him how many ducks, fingers, treats, toast, eggs, etc... and as long as the answer is one or two he will have it.

In fact just this morning I saw him counting a whole pile of fruit loops. He said "one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, ONE!!!"

He was so proud that there was only "one" fruit loop.

Guess we have some work to do.

My little Explorer

Isadora learned to crawl this week. AND Crawl she does! My routine when watching her has drastically changed. I used to put a bunch of toys in front of her and let her decide which one goes in her mouth, and in what order (as they all made thier way into her mouth.)

Well, now she crawls and so the number of potential mouth items has increased. I guess we need to do a better job of picking up after ourselves. Before I give the list of Items in her mouth, I thought I would tell a funny little story. I had placed Dora in the other room with a bunch of toys (before I knew how mobile she was). I then went into the neighboring room for something and got distracted. The next thing I heard was "blah blah pppffftttggtt bla" I looked over and Dora had crawled to the corner and was trying to get my attention. As I looked at her a HUGE smile came to her face. It made me feel good.

Anyway, here are a list of items I have recently pulled from her mouth
1. Eli's stuffed Rooster
2. A baby wipe (I hope clean!)
3. Part of Eli's dinner (a french fry)
4. A sketcher's tag from Bridget's shoe
5. Eli's shoes
6. Bridget's Sandals
7. The lid to a snack can
8. My spare stethoscope (never been used on a patient!)
9. her finger
10. her toe
11. My nerf blowgun
12. ...and when I wasn't paying attention, My Ear.

I love that little explorer and she has sharp teeth! I guess I need to start picking up after myself!

Toast anyone?

I am watching Eli today. And not doing a good job of it. I put dinner in the oven and then stepped over to check on Dora (and goof off on the internet)(magnum pi is now on Hulu!).

Anyway, I started to smell something burning! I checked the dinner to make sure I wasn't over cooking it... it was fine. I looked for spillage... it was fine. Thinking I had covered myself, I went to see what type of damage Eli could have done in the other room.

Then kaaching... The toast had finished.

I did not put bread in the toaster.

Neither had Eli...

He put in our kitchen sponge.

Our house now smells like someone tried smoking in the hospital bathroom (it happens, and when it does it does not smell good!)

Thanks for helping with dinner Eli.

War

Here is a list of battles I have lost recently:

1. Popcorn and Cold Cereal for dinner.

2. Letting Eli "make" the same piece of bread into toast, three times.

3. Allowing Eli to eat Dora's teething treats.

4. Letting him sit on the desk.

5. Letting him fall off the desk.

6. Letting him climb back on the desk.

7. Realizing that I had candy on the desk I did not know about and watching Eli eat it.

8. Tantrum for 46 minutes (I timed it) after I broke a piece off a pretzel for Eli and he wanted the WHOLE THING INTACT!

9. And this morning: Popsicles for breakfast.

Battles I have won:

1. Mandatory middle of day 3 hour naps.

2. Mandatory 7:30 Bedtime.

All in all I think I am winning.

Clean Car

Bridget asked me to go vaccum the car. It was something I have been meaning to do for some time. While cleaning things out I found a few items:
1. Chicken fingers. As far as I can tell the last time we had chicken tenders was 3 weeks ago. I guess Eli was saving some.
2. Ice scraper. It is starting to get cold and I am glad I don't have to go buy one, again, it seems like I buy one every season.
3. Bag of unopened M&Ms. Wahoo... I struck gold!
4. $4.63... not quite enough to pay for the vaccum. (yes there is that much crap)
5. Three Pairs of sunglasses.
6. Bunches and bunches of baby toys. It was like Christmas!
7. Used wipes and outsized/unused diapers.
8. an old bottle
9. Rasins... I remember giving him grapes but that was a while ago!
10. And underneath all that I found the carpet mat!

So clean now!

What was the treasure you discovered the last time you cleaned your car?

Something to think about

So I was looking at the calories in a can of soda and had a couple of thoughts:


Root beer 12 oz can: 150 calories


One mile run for 185lb male: 150 calories


So one can of soda is one mile run.

One soda/day for 365 is 150x365=54750 calories

9 calories per gram of fat= 9000 calories/kilogram of fat

54750 calories(one year of soda)/9000= 6kg or 13 lbs

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So if 1kg is 2.2lbs and also equal to 9000 calories.

And one mile is 150calories

One would have to run 60 miles to loose 2.2 pounds of fat calories!

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For the sake of simplification leaving out a soda perday and keeping all other things equal you would loose (or more approptiately, not gain) 13 lbs each year.

If you run 1 mile/day for a whole year (365x150) you would burn and loose 13lbs/year.

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These are simplifications and do not take into consideration basal metabolism. Increasing your basal metabolism by exercise increases your ability to burn fat by 10-30% (2000cal/day to 2200 or 2600cal/day)

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If you are 50lbs overweight (22kg) that equates to 1320 miles to walk to lose that weight. Or the distance from Nauvoo IL, to Salt Lake UT.

-------------------------------------------------

Diet alone cannot lose the weight. Exercise alone cannot lose the weight, it has to be a combination of less in and more out.

Daddy Things

I was walking over to Eli who was playing with his toy cars. I heard the "ppfffffthhhttt," followed closely by a familiar odor.

"Eli, did you pass gas?" I asked.

"Mo (no), baby." He responded.

"Eli, the baby is upstairs in bed, are you sure it was the baby?" I pursued.

"Mo, Mama." He quickly replied.

"So, you are telling me that the sound I heard, and the smell I am smelling is from your mom who is upstairs?"

"Wah (yes)."

Wow Bridget that is some powerful gas. Eli sold you out.

Blogging

I am realatively new to the Blogging Universe and already have noticed a few things.

1. Blogging is awesome. I now have the ability to keep in touch with thousands of people without actually having to talk to them. I now know where all of my cousins, siblings, friends from highschool, Bridget's friends from highschool, and aunts are. Keeping up is SO Easy! I almost feel as if I am eavesdropping or peeping into the lives of all these people! And they don't care!

2. Blogging is awesome. I can now say anything I want, and feel that it must be important because IT IS NOW ON THE INTERNET! I am a PUBLISHED author... (in my own mind!)

3. Blog comments are like Emails that you don't have to respond to!

4. Blog comments really make everyone's day. I have noticed that we are much happiner when Bridget's blog entries recieve multiple comments. It is as if others agree with the assesment: our kids are the cutest.

5. It has been my observation that if an entry is made, people feel obligated to comment if no one else has. When two people have already commented, you no longer feel obligated to. Unless the entry is really good, or one feels very strongly about it, people rarely comment beyond 4-5 comments. (Unless you are Aunt Jane or Carla.)

6. Aunt Jane at neighborjanepayne.blogspot.com has more posts and gets more comments than anyone!

Healthcare

This is not a funny entry, nor is it really worth reading but just some thoughts I had.

First of all, my information today comes from things I have heard on NPR, read in Emergency Medicine articles, and have learned from working in the ER/med school.

NPR locally had a discussion where they said that for every pack of cigarettes one person smokes it costs the state $28. If we want to shave on health care, banning cigarettes, not taxing, seems like a good start.

My "health care costs" class in Medical school quoted the number that "40% of health care costs go to administration, not patient care." This means paperwork, insurance administrators, etc.. This same class taught that 90% of the money spent on health care is in the last year of life.

EPMonthly did a really nice breakdown and said that only 1-2% of cost is in the Emergency room.

I am not sure where I read the statistic that 5% of health care costs go to Trial lawyers/lawsuits.

So my overly simplified thought on saving money in health care is the following:
1. Outlaw smoking/charge WAY higher health insurance premiums.
2. Get rid of med malpractice, and get rid of bad doctors.
3. Implement fee for service, simplify reimbursement to shave money off of the administrative costs.
4. The last year of life is very expensive. Most of it is intensive care. Have the discussion: Quality vs Length of life.
5. Institute a co-pay for anyone, insured or not, medicare/medicaid or not, to disincentives the convenient ER visit. I had a lady ask me how long the wait was in the er, when I told her it was an hour, she said "Oh, then I will just go to my doctor for my medication refill."
Anyway, The last thought I had was this: We are too fat, too unhealthy. We need to be in better shape, lose weight, exercise more, and stop smoking. If we are concerned about the health care crisis we need people to start taking care of themselves. Perhaps instead of taxing the 46 million uninsured. We should tax everyone, then if you exercise, lose weight, don't smoke, you get a tax break...

enough rambling. have a good day

Mine

We have been teaching Eli how to talk. He has known lots of words for some time but has not quite gotten the grasp of how to communicate other than by pointing and crying. But over the last week he has made leaps and bounds, even coming up with his own descriptions of things. For example we were walking by a white pickup and Eli pointed and said, "Dada truck." I was pretty proud my boy could recognize the difference between Ford and a Chevy. What a smart (or lucky) kid!

Well, his new word is 'Mine'. He has gone around the house and pointed at various objects and appropriately named their owners. He knows my sandals, Bridget's shoes, Carla's flip flops, Emma's socks, and Dora's booties. What a smart kid!

He has also learned that if he wants to ask for something he says, "mine ppp-eassse." And for his effort at trying to communicate he usually gets what he wants, be it ice cream, french fries, toy airplanes, or the golf ball on the green outside our hotel room. If he asks politely, (instead of screaming like my recent entry) he usually gets what he wants. What a smart kid!

Today, he took it to a new level and has started naming items and claiming them as his own. Recent Eli acquisitions: my sandwich, Dora's ball toy, Bridget's chap stick, my Ipod, ER season 1, and almost a beach ball at the gift shop.
Eli wanted a ball and carried it up the stairs of the gift shop.
"Mine ppp-ease?" he asked.
"Not this time Eli, you will have to play with your ball at the hotel," was our answer.
He became more insistant.
"MINE PPP-EASSE," he reiterated more loudly.
"Eli, be good please, you can't have that ball today."
"Wah" (yes), he replied.
Then, in what I thought was victory for our side, Eli smiled like he understood. We went back to shopping, looking at alligator teeth and what-not.
When we got just out of arms reach, he said "wah." Then faster than I could react, he ran over to the balcony and threw the ball over the edge.
My heart stopped as we watched the ball go over the edge. That little TWIT!
It landed on a pile of glass dishes and mugs.
Miraculously, nothing broke.
I looked at Eli. He looked back with grin that said "Mine" That little stink knew just what he was doing! And that he could have cost us a thousand times more than the price of a beach ball!

What a smart Kid!

Adventures in Sports

So Bridget is awesome. She got me Karate lessons for Christmas last year.

Now, I love Jackie Chan movies. I loved Mr. Miyagi from the karate kid (though have not watched it in 2 decades). I love watching snippets of Bruce Lee, if there is an action or martial arts film my eyes are glued. And now that I am 32, I am feeling that I need to get my body in shape if I am ever going to be able to defend the defenseless or be sent on special missions to free some form of helpless captive. And, if I am ever going to be ready, I need to start now, so karate seems to be a logical first step.

While in class listening to my sensai I had the following thoughts, which I have decided to share with you.

I love karate, I'm learning how and where to punch to hurt someone without hurting myself. I am also learning the basics of form, how to kick and be more flexible.

One of our exercises is to grab some one's clothes then lift my leg in between us and kick them. Imagine if you can: I am 6'3" and have a femur length of about 2 feet. My arms at full extension are 2'3" from shoulder to closed fist. I can't even touch my toes without help or bending my knees, and even then it hurts. So it is impossible for me to place my foot on some one's chest, while holding their shirt, without dislocating my own hip or knee. So, when I get in my first fight, I guess I am just going to ask my opponent to hold still while I work my foot up to his chest.

Envisioning the ridiculousness of going into a fight and asking my opponent to hold still so I can kick them, I also realize that I have never even been in a fight (siblings don't count), I have never hit anyone under pressure. Somehow I have made it this far, I am probably going to be OK: my tactic of turning tail and running away seems to be working well.

These revelations and visions happen while I am dressed in my Gi, surrounded in the dojo by a bunch of black belts my age and 13 year-olds that seem way more advanced than the white belt we share.

Which brings me to my final thought: I also look around at the 13 year old next to me who could probably kick my butt, literally and figuratively, and realize maybe a 32 year old in Karate isn't as cool as I thought it would be.

Maybe if I learn how to use nun chucks?

ELI

For all the grief he gives us, he is actually a smart kid.

We have been trying to teach him how to talk. He can communicate, mainly by pointing and screaming till we give him anything we figure he was pointing at. (Last night I offered him a can of freeze dried mushrooms, as far as I could tell it was the only thing on the counter. After explaining that they were "yuck, yuck" he said "wah" which means yes. He the proceeded to stack his dinner plate on top of it to make it closer to his face... weird.)

Last night, I was doing some work on the computer (looking at motorcycles) and he was in the other room watching Wallace and Grommit. I noticed that there was no noise and figured he had somehow hit the mute button. When I went in to assess the situation this is what I found:

Eli was standing on top of a toy, taking a disk out of the DVD player and trying to put a new one in!! HE IS BARELY TWO! When I jumped in to help him and asked what he wanted to watch before bed time he pinched his nose (skunk) then said "roar" and then sunk his head to his shoulders (turtle). He wanted to watch the movie with a skunk, turtle, and bear. Hmmmm... either baby Einstein or OVER THE HEDGE. I asked him and he said "wah"(yes)...

So as I am loading the new DVD into the player, I noticed that it was empty.

"Eli, where is the other DVD?"

"eehh da" (there) he says, pointing.

"Where" I asked.

Proud as peaches he walks over and points to the VCR with a smile and says "eehh Da." Then proudly climbs on the couch and excitedly kicks his feet.

I would never have found that disk again! I mean who looks in a VCR player for a DVD?

This is a sad commentary on how frequently we change DVDs for that kid. DON'T JUDGE ME till you have listened to him cry.

Terrorist Demands

So Eli has found my weakness.

Now to be clear, I have many weaknesses: peanutbutter, jackie chan movies, paintball, and of course rice crispie treats. If I get any of those items, I will do about anything I am asked (don't tell Bridget.)

I am trying to be a good dad and teach my kids to be polite, play nice, eat healthy, and bath semi regularly. Eli however has found one of my new weaknesses. He can get whatever he wants. He has learned that if he hits the right octave in right decibel, I turn to putty and cave.

He has me hostage, and I give into his terrorism.

When he screams, he gets what he wants. It typically goes something like this:

ME: Eli, dont eat mama's Plant

ELI: AARRCCCHHHAAAAAAAEEERRRCCCHHH

ME: ok go ahead, I guess it is more fiber.

----

ME: Eli, Please get off the kitchen table, it isn't safe.

ELI: AAAARRCCEEHHHEEEACCCCHHHRRREE WHHAAAA

ME: I guess the table can support your weight

--------

ME: Eli, please stop eating that toothpaste

ELI: MMMMEEEEEE AAAAARRR CCCHHHEEEAAAA

ME: at least your breath will smell good.

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ME: Do you want some breakfast

ELI: wah (yes)

ME: do you want nummy nummy eggs and toast like dada?

ELI: Ma (either no or more, I am not sure, definately not a yes)

ME: Here is your Bottle, here are your eggs.

ELI: ADDFSEVAAAACCCRRRRRCCCCCCHHHHEEEAAAA NNNNAAAA NA NA NA NA, MA MA MA MA

(as far as I can tell he wants aunt emma or mama or anyone but dada to come feed him breakfast)

ME: I am gonna go take two excedrin and get your mom.

---------------

I do not have the personal restraint to not cave in and I need help: I have already gone through more excedrin, motrin, and tylenol than my liver or kidneys can handle.

At least he takes good pictures

Married Life

So I lived single for a lot longer than I should have. I say this because of an experience I had recently. And since you have nothing else to do besides read this blog (and I have nothing else to do but write it) it will be told shortly.

Before getting married my opinion on shaving cream and aftershave was pretty simple: unneccessary. I use a razor and would lather up with my shaving cream,bar soap, and after shaving I give a spritz of my aftershave, cold water (and toilet paper as needed).

Well, Just before getting married I had purchased a bag of razors... the kind you get at the dollar store 50 razors for 99cents, you know the kind, they have the yellow handle and single blade. As far as I knew it performed its function. The soap lathered, the razor cut hair, the cold water calmed my aching skin. Life was great.

When that bag of razors ran out, Bridget bought me a Gillet Mach 3 with vibrating head and shaving cream. HOLY COW that was a nice razor (my shaving costs now went up SUBSTANTIALLY but the toilet paper dabbing costs went down so it might be a wash). My face never felt better, or smoother.

I had been using crap razors for 8 years! It felt like shaving with a cheese grator! IN one day my face no longer hurt.

Now when the razor gets dull, like today. Bridget is right there to make me change it.

Clearly the superior gender.

Balding

So, in college I had a roommate that was the nicest guy in the world. You could not have a better roommate or friend than this guy.

He had, however, one flaw: he shed a lot of hair. It found its way into everything... bathroom sinks, floors, the tile, drains, everywhere... It drove me nuts. He never cleaned it up! Seemed like I was always vacuuming and declogging drains.

Then I moved into my own apartment without any roommates and had the same problem. How was Ryan's hair getting into my new place?

Daddy things

So this story goes along the lines of grossness. Do not read if you have a problem with poo.

We recently traveled out to Grants Pass Oregon for a job interview. It was scheduled to be 8 hours of travel and ended up being closer to 20 (not an exaggeration). Well, when you travel with kids, you pack for the unexpected... extra clothes for blow outs/vomit, extra formula for hunger issues, extra wipes, extra toys etc.

I packed Eli's emergency pack which had 6 diapers, usually enough for a full days travels. He had a lot to drink that day and the day had gone longer than we anticipated, doing the math I calculated that we had one hour till we would be with our suitcase and reinforcements. I changed him into his last diaper. Within 6 minuted he pooped in it.

At this point you have three choices:

1. let him sit in it for an hour

2. take it off and let him run around without a diaper

3... clean the poop out and reuse the diaper and hope it is more solid than liquid... also hoping no one checks the trashcan or upsets the diaperwipe-full-of-fresh-poo.

As an MD and not afraid of a little (or lot as it turned out) poo, I chose option 3. And as I finished triumphantly preserving our last diaper, Bridget then informed me that we had one more diaper in her bag.

Clearly the superior gender.

xymd

When I was in Med School, I wrote for our school newspaper. When I say 'wrote for', I really mean 'wrote': I was the editor, publisher, reporter, columnist, intern, and advertiser. It was my way of a release and a part of my responsibility as "class secretary" (an elected office).

Bridget and I decided it might be fun to start my own blog, more as stress release than anything else. Here you will find my latest ELI STORY, RESTAURANT REVIEW, ACTIVITY, and WEIRD DREAM... and some other stuff you probably won't want to waste your time with.

Anyway...

It is titled after my qualifications for dating Bridget. As her mother had raised her, her future spouse needed to have two distinguishing features: genetically XY, and educationally MD. I met both of those criteria and we have been happily married ever since.

Enjoy my ramblings... or not.