golf pics

On the fairway

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Recent Discoveries

Over the holidays I noticed a few things.

1. Truffle boxes are a combination of delicious chocolates and chocolate covered poisons. I think they throw the coffee ones in there to make the rest taste better by comparison.

2. When golfing, the laws of physics don't apply. I don't know how I can hit a ball only to see it go 90 degrees perpendicular to where I want.

3. Also when golfing, how can the T travel further than the ball?

3.5 How can grass travel further than the ball?

3.5b How can the ball go backwards when golfing?

4. Bubblewrap is often more fun than the present (or Mug) it is protecting.

5. Finlandia makes naturally lactose free cheese!

6. Old people at our gym hate kids.

7. If Eli and Dora Don't get naps, they are grumpy. If they sleep too long they are grumpy. If they sleep just the right amount they are grumpy. BUT if they sleep REALLY long, I am not grumpy.

8. If holding a kid with a dry diaper on your lap, and they pee in the diaper, even though you are not wet, it still feels gross.

9. You can golf in Oregon in the winter, but the course will be covered in half frozen deer poop.

Redwoods with Grandpa

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Visitors

My Uncle Leon and Aunt Lorraine came to visit. It was really fun to see them.

The first words out of Eli's mouth were priceless...

"Wow, you have a BIG tummy!"

That is my boy.

I will tell you this. I am super Proud of Eli. He is honest. If Dora is screaming in the other room, you can ask Eli and he says "I pulled her hair cause she won't share!" or he will say why she is crying.

It does not mean he is a happy kid all the time, but at least he is honest... for now.

Eli

He is now using the bathroom like a big boy. Today I thought I would see if he could take a shower.

"Dada I have to go Pee!"

My options were to get him out, dry him off, put him on the toilet... or let him go.

He just went.

"Wow Dada, Peeing in the shower is FUN!"

Yes it is Eli, yes it is. Just don't Tell Momma

Finally fit the truck in the garage

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Medical Question

Why is it if you eat beef jerky, then wait for an hour and have a glass of milk with a cookie, that your burps still taste like jerky?

Why not cookies? Those would taste so much better.

I will have to ask my doctor.

Toe problems and gross pics

I had an ingrown toenail that was not getting better. I finally decided to take matters into my own hands and was going to get some supplies to do it myself when a buddy at work offered to help. Thank goodness he did.

I tell people that Lidocaine will feel like a bee sting, then things go numb. I am an idiot or a liar. I should tell them it feels like a thousand tiny chainsaws, that way they will be pleasantly surprised.

All Joking aside, it was not that bad, Clint did a great job. I would have had a really hard time doing it myself.

Don't look if you have problems with toenails.

Instructions

1. Numb with a Ring/digit block.

2. Clean and prep as shown below.

3. Elevate the toenail.

4. Cut the bad part out

4. Take pictures of the problem.

5 post it on your blog.

6. limp for the next couple of days.

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Eli found out

The first thing the next morning, Eli noticed the tree was gone.

"Where did the tree go? Why is the house here but the tree gone?"

Guess I will have to eat the house next. Good, it has more frosting.

Don't tell my kids

I ate the tree

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Naptime mischief

We woke up from our nap to find Eli sitting with a bowl of candy and smiling. I don't know where he got the milk duds!

At least we got naps.

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Snot rockets and hot chocolates

Gotta love winter

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swearing

I was raised not to swear, and I am glad I don't. I have realized however that I still use substitutions. I think the point of not swearing is to not get too angry.

Lately, I have heard Eli say the following:

"Mama, that is a NITWIT!"

"Those shoes are too small Dada. FRICKEN!"

He uses a couple of more 'swears', and only one of them is he using correctly, and it really makes me upset. He screamed "Stupid baby" to Dora when she took his playdough.

I also realize that he YELLS a lot. He must be getting that from me!

Does anyone have anymore suggestions on how to keep from "swearing" around Kids, and not yelling? Keep in mind I am already maxed out on excedrin and motrin.

News Links of interest

http://kdrv.com/page/196174

http://www.ktvl.com/articles/portland-1197911-home-send.html

GOOD NEWS

http://kdrv.com/page/196754

Friday fun

Eli and Dora decorated

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Hugs and Kisses

Last night Bridget was out for church stuff so I took care of the bath time ritual, and bedtime routine. I also cleaned up the toy room and still have no idea where all these toys came from. We have toys I haven't even seen before! (I have a great mother in law!)

Anyway, I was getting the kids ready for bed and Dora came up and gave me 4 blankets then held her arms up for me to pick her up. She then gave my neck the biggest hug ever! Then Kissed my chin, my nose, my cheeks... like 50 times. And as I put her down she said "nank noo" (thank you) and "laa lou" (love you).

I am not a sappy individual, but that made up for the whole day of crying, screaming, kicking, fighting, slapping, hair pulling (obviously not mine), Ornament destroying, wall coloring, spaghetti staining, gummi fruit in the seat belts, wall cleaning, stinky diapers, sticky floors, ruined upholstery, sticky ipods, lost keys, missing baby Jesus from our nativity, daily headaches... In short that little gesture went so far, I almost cried.

Now if only Eli would show me some lovin'.

Wednesday is raceday!

Fun with hotwheels

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Lights on now

Still lopsided

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Too big?

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I am a logger

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Dishes Finally done

So I have finally washed the last dish from thanks giving. I have finished off the last left over. I love Thanksgiving but find it interesting that it is probably 6-7 hours of cooking for 30 minutes of eating then 4 days clean up!

But worth it for those 3 days of turkey stuffing gravy cranberry sandwiches.

We are heading to go cut down our tree today.

more snow

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Snow

Same rose.

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Got Jam?

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it is supposed to snow

Here is a pic of our front window. Doubt if it survives the weekend.

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celebration

Finished my boards and at La Burrita to celebrate.

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Confused

So, I don't understand how everything in our house is covered in Maple Syrup. I just got done cleaning the kitchen. Table, floors, walls, counters, and yes even the ceiling had syrup on it. I can't think of the last time we even had pancakes... Where is it all coming from? How did they get it on the ceiling?

The second thing that confuses me is this: If Dora leaves bottles all over the house, how come the only time I can't find them is if they are full of milk? What is it about milk, that if left in a bottle makes it invisible to the naked eye until discovered days later? Of course, days later it is no longer milk but a very soft cheese.

How is Eli better at Ipod Games than I am. Granted I don't practice, or play games, I came down this morning and Eli informed me that he "won" the motorcycle game. He has unlocked 3 levels! I wonder what time he got up... and how did he get the Ipod to begin with!

At least I know why it smells like maple syrup!

Parenting

There are a few things that I was not expecting as a parent. I expected sleepless nights poppy diapers and the occasional fever.
I was suprised, however, by what things kids like. Lately, it has been Dora the explorer. I find it kind of odd that one of the main characters is A thief called Swiper. Every episode has some item he is trying to steal and it is our job to stop him.the sad thing is that Swiper is the coolest character in the show. What is that teaching my kids?
Fortunately Diego is way cooler.
Where can I get a rescue pack?

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Healing well

Thanks Dr Drew

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Eli and stitches

One little monkey jumping on the bed. He fell off and cut his head. Dadda was a doctor and he said, "Eli why won't you take a nap?"

So, Eli was supposed to be taking a nap, instead he was jumping off of his bed hit his head on a table. He cut his eye pretty good. Here are some pictures.

At dadda's work place. Note the special treatment, we get 3 beds to ourselves.

Here is the cut up close. Eli was screaming so much that we had to sedate him with Ketamine, that is why his eyes look wierd below. This is what a stoned 3 year old looks like. He did not feel (or remember) a thing.

Up close... poor kid.

This is him waiting for the ketamine to wear off. If your kid ever looks like this they are stoned.

I get to fix little kids all the time. I am really glad I had someone else fix this. You can't be a good dad and a good doctor to the same kid. My buddy Drew did a great job and the nurses in the ER all did a great job.

I had to work immediately after they finished. Eli was still pretty stoned but I took him home and Bridget took care of him till he was fully awake. It took like a couple of hours for the medicine to completely wear off...

Ketamine causes nystagmus or twiching of the eyes both side to side and up and down... pretty funny to watch. If you kid needs stitches, it is a great experience.

dadda's tax

Dora won't even knows.

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Dora the explorer

Dora was quiet in the backseat. When I got her to go trick or treat the next house I thought she smelled like peanutbutter but couldn't find the source. When I got home I discovered the previous picture. Cute little rat.

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Halloween pics continued

More fun with candy

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happy Halloween

Pics from treat and treating

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number 3 on the way

Heart rate 180 all looks good

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1 am

Elk just woke up screaming. Spiderman and Batman won't share their bikes.Wierd.
He then told me (while crying) he needed to brush his teeth. Wow, he will never get cavities with that kind of persistence
Now I can't go back to sleep. Darn cavities.

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my bike

Someone asked to see what a $175 motorcycle looks like. Mine is the black bike, Eli's is red.

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blogging from my phone

Trying to post a pic

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million dollar idea

Pop-tarts are a pastry that can keep in your bag and get popped in a toaster for a tasty high calorie snack. When toasted, they are even better.

So why not make a sandwich with the same properties. Never spoiling, but popped in a toaster it is tasty. They make handi snacks with cheese and crackers so I know keeping cheese and bread is possible. Spam, summer sausage and pepperoni are all meats that can be stored at room temperature.

Why not a cheese salami pastry sandwich?

Stupid Things I have done

So I did something really stupid this week. It got me thinking to other stupid things I have done recently. This list is by no means comprehensive and for your entertainment, I will list them below. (Please do not share these with my kids when they are older, or my wife now, it will only increase the hold they have over me.) Please, if you can think of other stupid things I have done, remind me.

1. Ran out of milk and put kool-aid on my cold cereal. That is just too much sugar, it may not have been as bad if it weren't fruit loops.

2. Shaved with my wife's Razor, my poor bald head was raw for days from razor burn.

3. Forgot to put suntan lotion on my razor burned head and spent all day in the yard. have you ever had blisters on your head?

4. Bought a Brand New Car, only to sell it 18 months later.

5. Watched "The Last Airbender"

6. Sold my '73 Landcruiser.

7. I laughed when Eli stuck a crayon up his nose... now he sticks everything up there to show me he is funny.

8. I washed my Ipod, in the washer, full cycle.

I am fairly confident no one will read this. (by the way, if you wash your electronic device. DO NOT TURN IT ON. Put it in a bag of instant rice for like 48 hours, THEN plug it in to recharge. IF it still doesn't work, you are out of luck... MINE IS WORKING for now)

special abilities

They say that when you loose one sense, your other senses pick up the slack. Blind people hear much better, deaf people see better.

So does that apply to smell? If you loose the ability to smell, are you more aware of your surroundings?

Frankly, not having the sense of smell may not be that bad. Think about it. Public bathrooms aren't nearly as disgusting. Public transportation isn't as uncomfortable. Your children's dirty diapers wouldn't be nearly as annoying. Cottage cheese, rotten milk, your neighbor's dairy farm, the compost pile down the road, all become irrelevant. I could go on.

Scientists say that smell is the sense most closely attached to memory. But loosing that connection isn't that bad. I have probably experienced more bad smells in my life than good ones... But then again I was raised on a farm. Frankly, there are smells I would like to forget. I won't list them for you.

What about loosing Taste? It is true that taste and smell go hand in hand. While I would never give up taste, it may be the solution to our obesity epidemic. If potato chips, and Soda taste the same as cardboard and water, maybe we wouldn't all weigh as much as most third world families. We don't need weight loss drugs, we need drugs that remove the sense of taste... Forfeit taste for weight loss!

Back to my original thought of loosing one sense and enhancing others. Does that apply to other aspects? I mean, I am loosing/have lost hair. When will I have a special ability, or increased awareness?

So far all I have noticed is an increased awareness of Back Hair.

Adventures in Parenting

So, I had plans. Every time we got close to doing what I was supposed to, something happened.

Clint and I were going to go to a Movie: ELi got stung by a wasp.

Clint and I were going to go test drive cars: Dora fell out of a crib and bit her tongue, Eli sprayed himself in the eye with perfume.

Today, Clint and I were going to take his car to the dealership. ON the way we stopped at a store, Eli fell out of the hammock I put him in and cut his lip, and loosened his tooth.

His cut is bad enough that if his daddy didn't work in an ER he would have gotten stitches.

I am no longer making any kinds of plans for anything, for the sake of my kids.

I will tell you this though, I take care of lots of hurt or injured kids. It is really sad. What is worse is that you have to turn off the dad part to be a doctor or turn off the doctor part to be a dad. I sat there and knew he was in pain and what to do to make it better, but could not force him to hold the medicine up to his lip. Instead I opted for a band aid and having his mom sing to him to make him better. Just as we were getting to an ER. I figured he was OK and took him home.

Craigslist

I love Craigslist. It seems you can buy, or sell, anything there. But today I have a few gripes.

1. Craigslist is a FREE classified listing. Just because it is free does not give car dealers or real estate agents the right to do all their postings! It is not fair for those of us trying to sell our wares and compete with such glamour!

2. Just because a picture is worth a thousand words, doesn't mean you need to spend a thousand words describing it. Get a picture. Only three things need to be known: Price, Item, Functional or not. We don't need the history, if we are that interested we will ask. If we don't ask, we deserve what we get.

3. Craigslist is not ebay. Don't post car parts. No one scrolling for a new set of wheels is going to stop and think "Maybe I need a new hood for my 53 Studebaker, What a find!" Ebay has a parts section, I highly doubt that anyone seeking vintage car parts lives in your area, and if they do, you probably know them.

4. We craigslist shoppers are inherently cheap. Do not post your$230,000 Shelby Cobra or luxury car. We can't afford them, most of us are looking for something much cheaper, and it just makes us sad. But if you do insist on trying to find a buyer, Put up WAY more pictures... fancy cars are fun to look at, but, You will never sell to one of us.

5. Advertising by "monthly payment" or "down payment" is just downright deceiving, another reason dealers should not be allowed to post.

6. Just because a vehicle ran at one point in time does not mean you can charge what it was worth when it ran. Your Rusted '67 Mustang that does not run is not the same as the car from Gone in 60 seconds.

187

I weighed myself today.

In high school, I weighed 165... at 6'3" with a shirt on, my dimensions were proportionally similar to that of a kite.

We lied on the basketball stats that go to other schools. We said I was 185... It sounded more menacing. Not sure it helped, but man my elbows were pointy... and dangerous.

I have been between 182 and 193 for the past 15 years.

Today I am 187. I did a google search and came up with the following tidbits:

1. Samuel L Jackson made a Movie named "One Eight Seven" in 1997
2. 187 is a brand of Skater pads (not even sure what they are).
3. 187 is also the police code for homicide.

I need to either gain weight, or loose weight, very quickly... I know which one is easier!

Wonder what my next number will mean.

The Price of Being Bald

I used to use a bottle of shampoo every 2-3 months. I used whatever the generic Suave was. Typically my shampoo cost $1.89. Or about $10-12 per year. Now that I no longer need shampoo, I am saving that much per year... or so I thought.

I have previously mentioned that before marrying Bridget, I bought razors at the dollar store. For shaving one's head, I would not recommend it. Let me describe what it feels like to have your head shaved with a cheap razor.

1) Imagine taking a piece of sandpaper and rubbing the hair off of your head. While that may work, there are always patches that get missed and are too inflamed to want to hit again.
2) Instead of cutting the hair and leaving the skin unscathed, my hair remains unscathed--that is the parts that remain attached to the skin embedded in the razor.
3) After I finally get the bleeding stopped, my head remains sensitive for at least another 24-36 hours.

So, my cost for shampoo has decreased, my cost of toilet paper (to stop bleeding) and razors have made up for that. My next step is to get more expensive razors... theoretically, less bleeding means less toilet paper. They may end up paying for themselves.

Being bald seems to be a financial wash.

ELI sayings"

So These need to be documented. I am hearing them second hand. Bridget can correct me.

"Momma, you like Sam's Club?"
"Yes, Eli."
"Momma likes Sam's Club, Eli likes Home Depot"
Clearly my boy.
-------------
"Eli, when dada comes you will have to sleep with Grandma."
"No, Eli sleep with mama, dada sleep with Grandma."
------------
"Good night Eli, my baby boy"
" Good night my baby mama. hahahaha"
------------------
"Eli, what do you want to decorate your new room with"
"Butterflies, mama."
"Why butterflies, those are for girls?"
"Butterflies are pretty mama."
(He now wants Cars, thankfully, clearly Bridget's boy)
--------------------
"Oooh, Hospital, that's where Dada works. Me work with dada in hospital"
-------------------
More to come... Bridget, you can add more please

P90X

Growing up is hard. You loose hair in some places and gain it in others. Mattresses seem more firm, my mid-section seems more soft. Some days 6am feels like 10am, and other days 10am feels like 6am. Even with bent knees, it is somewhat painful to touch my toes.

Feeling like something had to change, I felt that infomercials would have answer to my aging dilemma. Hours later I came to the conclusion that a "Kangaroo Keeper," "New Wave Oven," or "Barry Manilow's Greatest hits" might all be things to enhance the quality of my life. But what I really wanted was quantity and quality in my life...

So I am now doing the P90X workout. Here is what I have noted so far:
1. OOOOUUUUCCCCCHHHH. I worked really hard the first day and 7 days later still feel it
2. Apparently there are muscles in the back. You would think that an undergraduate degree in Exercise Physiology and a MD would be enough to know that. But let me bear testimony: there are muscles in your back. I hurt them.
3. Doing this workout makes you want to avoid donuts and junk food... I look at them in anger and say (both to myself and to them) "This is YOUR FAULT!"
4. Gatorade is good. Do not make the mistake of drinking Propel Lemon water before a chest, shoulder, and back workout. I did, and the results are that I was more volume depleted as a result. (In-Out=total in)

All joking aside, I am doing it and make the following recommendations to anyone else. Make it a P97X Take the first 7 days at half speed, then start for real, your body will thank you for it. Mine is hating me right now... but it feels good.

Development

So, I bought a motorcycle.

Before anyone gets too concerned about me killing myself, you should know it was not running.

As far as I can tell, the last time it was driven was in 2000. That is what the tags say anyway. For $175, I bought a 1981 Kawasaki KZ440. It is a "cruiser". Assuming I can get it street legal.

So what can you get for $175? Here are a list of things wrong with it.
1. Every nut, screw, bolt is rusted to the frame.
2. The brakes are so good that the wheel won't spin. The back wheel is rusted in place.
3. No battery.
4. The carbeurator is full of what can only be described as carrot jello.
5. The tank is rusted.
6. The mufflers are rusted so bad, the are actually amplifiers.
7. No mirrors.

So Golden and I have been working on this in our free time for the past couple of months and two weekends ago.... drumroll... we got it running. Under its own power. Stopping with its newly rebuilt brakes. I have actually riden it for 300 yards! Now all I need is a Helmut!

Total cost so far: $310, most of it was battery. It is kind of fun to pretend to be a mechanic.

So, I think I paid too much when I bought it initially. But, it is amazing that one can turn a hunk of garbage into a motorcycle... I kind of want to find a car for $175 and see what I can do.

Anyone want to get rid of a car?

Homeless

I have been without my family for a month and 4 days now. I have been living on the floor of my sister in law's apartment. That being said, I think I have worked all but a couple of days in that time, so I am really not "Home". Nor do I even own a home. But when I am alone, and not at work, strange things have happened.

While moving I had an interesting experience. My family had just left for Texas. Even when our house was emptied of all our stuff it still felt like home. And at one point while sweeping the garage out, I heard Eli call to me from upstairs. Of course I went to check and there was nothing there, but the paint on the walls reminded me.

I came home one night and Emma's Cat had pooped on the couch. My first thought was "Eli! What did you do!"

Not having kids around is creepy. Much like the calm before a storm. The calmness is a little creepy for me. With Kids, quit is an ominous sound. For example, If you are around the kids and it is quiet, it usually means Eli is breaking something, writing on something, or has given Dora some rocks to eat. Stillness is really very anxiety provoking to me now.

In order to combat the stillness, I have tried to do stuff to make my current living environment less calm. This morning I wiped my grubby dirty hands all over my cloths. I went to church with wrinkled pants. I leave papers scattered all over my room. My latest development is to leave Dirty dishes on the coffee table.

Now I am sleeping better, and having fewer hallucinations. It is too bad Emma may not appreciate my decorating,

Toilet training

Do not read this.

Eli asked to use the potty. As I was cleaning up his little toilet and all the rest of the Urine on the floor, I had this thought: Why do I care if he is toilet trained?

I mean, it is easier to change a diaper, than to wait for 10 minutes in the bathroom. The clean up is less (the mess is contained, as opposed to being on the floor, walls, door, toilet, etc.). You don't have to worry about wetting the bed. Also consider that Diapers are more portable than toilets (Tell me you didn't have that thought the last time you were traveling where there were no "facilities").

And, eventually he will go back into diapers when he gets much much older.

SUCCESS

I have been watching ELI and Dora for 3 days alone. I have only had one fight!

Eli kept saying "Eli Nice." I even caught him kissing the baby unprompted!

I think I am starting to get the hang of this. (Incidentally, my Excedrin consumption is much less this week!)

Missing Bridget

So, Bridget is Out of town. I get to take care of the kiddos while she is gone. Last night I learned a valuable lesson.

Since Bridget was not there, I asked ELI if he wanted to sleep in Dada's bed. Not only did he want to sleep there, he wanted to sleep on my side. I let him.

He is Truly MY SON: he thrashes and tosses and turns. He also sleeps on his side and stomach.

Here is the time line of last night:

7:30 Eli goes to bed

10:30 I go bed

12:20 Eli hits my nose

1:20 He kicks me in the chest

2:00 I go to the bathroom

2:30 Eli inadvertently kicks me in the groin with the force of a soccer player

3:00 The pain subsides

4:00 Eli says "dada, wake up." I said, "Eli go back to sleep it is still dark outside"

Eli continues to toss and turn until 4:30

4:30 "dada wake up, no more dark outside."

"Eli, Please go back to sleep I am tired"

Eli tosses and turns

4:45 he holds my hand and falls asleep

5:30 He kicks me in the head.

6:15 Dora wakes up.

Needless to say, he will not be sleeping with me tonight. But it was pretty cute at 7 when he got up, "Dada! Me Wake UP!"

apples and bananas

I was telling Eli a bedtime story.

"What do you want to hear about?" I asked.

"Monkeys."

"What do Monkeys eat, Eli?"

"Nanas" (bananas)

"And where do Bananas come from?"

Eli answers knowingly, "table"

---------------------------------

Last night he wanted a story about apples.

"Where do apples come from?" I asked.

"PIE" he shouted.

One observant kid.

As a farmer, I am kind of embarrassed.

Excedrin

Here are the reasons I like Excedrin: I have kids. I have daily headaches, sleep deprivation, and my toes and shins are abused by the toys that hit them throughout the day.

Excedrin is great because:

It has Tylenol which helps with pain in the brain.

It has aspirin which helps with brain pain and body aches.

It has Caffeine which helps with brain pain, sleep deprivation, and gives you the energy for accruing more body aches

Every Eli should come with a bottle of Excedrin. It helps you take a bruising and keep on cruising...

Swearing at Children

I have never been someone who swears. I have used heck, darn, shoot, freakin, flippin, etc. Which has made me sound slow in the head to some of those around me, and I am fine with that. Being Eli's dad has sure made it hard.

Yesterday was a TOUGH day. Sunday's always are with afternoon church and no naps. It takes a while to unwind after getting screamed at and cleaning up milk, syrup, crackers and whatever else he was trying to plant in our carpet.

Today, I built a really cool train track at his request. Then he had a melt down. The next think I know he hit his sister on the head with a piece of the train track, while he was in time out he scratched my eyes and hit me in the face. I then proceeded to dress him. He was NOT happy, screaming, scratching and hitting ensued.

I know of lots of four letter words I wanted to use, and I am afraid they will slip out.