Homeless

I have been without my family for a month and 4 days now. I have been living on the floor of my sister in law's apartment. That being said, I think I have worked all but a couple of days in that time, so I am really not "Home". Nor do I even own a home. But when I am alone, and not at work, strange things have happened.

While moving I had an interesting experience. My family had just left for Texas. Even when our house was emptied of all our stuff it still felt like home. And at one point while sweeping the garage out, I heard Eli call to me from upstairs. Of course I went to check and there was nothing there, but the paint on the walls reminded me.

I came home one night and Emma's Cat had pooped on the couch. My first thought was "Eli! What did you do!"

Not having kids around is creepy. Much like the calm before a storm. The calmness is a little creepy for me. With Kids, quit is an ominous sound. For example, If you are around the kids and it is quiet, it usually means Eli is breaking something, writing on something, or has given Dora some rocks to eat. Stillness is really very anxiety provoking to me now.

In order to combat the stillness, I have tried to do stuff to make my current living environment less calm. This morning I wiped my grubby dirty hands all over my cloths. I went to church with wrinkled pants. I leave papers scattered all over my room. My latest development is to leave Dirty dishes on the coffee table.

Now I am sleeping better, and having fewer hallucinations. It is too bad Emma may not appreciate my decorating,