Adventures in Parenting

So, I had plans. Every time we got close to doing what I was supposed to, something happened.

Clint and I were going to go to a Movie: ELi got stung by a wasp.

Clint and I were going to go test drive cars: Dora fell out of a crib and bit her tongue, Eli sprayed himself in the eye with perfume.

Today, Clint and I were going to take his car to the dealership. ON the way we stopped at a store, Eli fell out of the hammock I put him in and cut his lip, and loosened his tooth.

His cut is bad enough that if his daddy didn't work in an ER he would have gotten stitches.

I am no longer making any kinds of plans for anything, for the sake of my kids.

I will tell you this though, I take care of lots of hurt or injured kids. It is really sad. What is worse is that you have to turn off the dad part to be a doctor or turn off the doctor part to be a dad. I sat there and knew he was in pain and what to do to make it better, but could not force him to hold the medicine up to his lip. Instead I opted for a band aid and having his mom sing to him to make him better. Just as we were getting to an ER. I figured he was OK and took him home.

Craigslist

I love Craigslist. It seems you can buy, or sell, anything there. But today I have a few gripes.

1. Craigslist is a FREE classified listing. Just because it is free does not give car dealers or real estate agents the right to do all their postings! It is not fair for those of us trying to sell our wares and compete with such glamour!

2. Just because a picture is worth a thousand words, doesn't mean you need to spend a thousand words describing it. Get a picture. Only three things need to be known: Price, Item, Functional or not. We don't need the history, if we are that interested we will ask. If we don't ask, we deserve what we get.

3. Craigslist is not ebay. Don't post car parts. No one scrolling for a new set of wheels is going to stop and think "Maybe I need a new hood for my 53 Studebaker, What a find!" Ebay has a parts section, I highly doubt that anyone seeking vintage car parts lives in your area, and if they do, you probably know them.

4. We craigslist shoppers are inherently cheap. Do not post your$230,000 Shelby Cobra or luxury car. We can't afford them, most of us are looking for something much cheaper, and it just makes us sad. But if you do insist on trying to find a buyer, Put up WAY more pictures... fancy cars are fun to look at, but, You will never sell to one of us.

5. Advertising by "monthly payment" or "down payment" is just downright deceiving, another reason dealers should not be allowed to post.

6. Just because a vehicle ran at one point in time does not mean you can charge what it was worth when it ran. Your Rusted '67 Mustang that does not run is not the same as the car from Gone in 60 seconds.

187

I weighed myself today.

In high school, I weighed 165... at 6'3" with a shirt on, my dimensions were proportionally similar to that of a kite.

We lied on the basketball stats that go to other schools. We said I was 185... It sounded more menacing. Not sure it helped, but man my elbows were pointy... and dangerous.

I have been between 182 and 193 for the past 15 years.

Today I am 187. I did a google search and came up with the following tidbits:

1. Samuel L Jackson made a Movie named "One Eight Seven" in 1997
2. 187 is a brand of Skater pads (not even sure what they are).
3. 187 is also the police code for homicide.

I need to either gain weight, or loose weight, very quickly... I know which one is easier!

Wonder what my next number will mean.

The Price of Being Bald

I used to use a bottle of shampoo every 2-3 months. I used whatever the generic Suave was. Typically my shampoo cost $1.89. Or about $10-12 per year. Now that I no longer need shampoo, I am saving that much per year... or so I thought.

I have previously mentioned that before marrying Bridget, I bought razors at the dollar store. For shaving one's head, I would not recommend it. Let me describe what it feels like to have your head shaved with a cheap razor.

1) Imagine taking a piece of sandpaper and rubbing the hair off of your head. While that may work, there are always patches that get missed and are too inflamed to want to hit again.
2) Instead of cutting the hair and leaving the skin unscathed, my hair remains unscathed--that is the parts that remain attached to the skin embedded in the razor.
3) After I finally get the bleeding stopped, my head remains sensitive for at least another 24-36 hours.

So, my cost for shampoo has decreased, my cost of toilet paper (to stop bleeding) and razors have made up for that. My next step is to get more expensive razors... theoretically, less bleeding means less toilet paper. They may end up paying for themselves.

Being bald seems to be a financial wash.

ELI sayings"

So These need to be documented. I am hearing them second hand. Bridget can correct me.

"Momma, you like Sam's Club?"
"Yes, Eli."
"Momma likes Sam's Club, Eli likes Home Depot"
Clearly my boy.
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"Eli, when dada comes you will have to sleep with Grandma."
"No, Eli sleep with mama, dada sleep with Grandma."
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"Good night Eli, my baby boy"
" Good night my baby mama. hahahaha"
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"Eli, what do you want to decorate your new room with"
"Butterflies, mama."
"Why butterflies, those are for girls?"
"Butterflies are pretty mama."
(He now wants Cars, thankfully, clearly Bridget's boy)
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"Oooh, Hospital, that's where Dada works. Me work with dada in hospital"
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More to come... Bridget, you can add more please

P90X

Growing up is hard. You loose hair in some places and gain it in others. Mattresses seem more firm, my mid-section seems more soft. Some days 6am feels like 10am, and other days 10am feels like 6am. Even with bent knees, it is somewhat painful to touch my toes.

Feeling like something had to change, I felt that infomercials would have answer to my aging dilemma. Hours later I came to the conclusion that a "Kangaroo Keeper," "New Wave Oven," or "Barry Manilow's Greatest hits" might all be things to enhance the quality of my life. But what I really wanted was quantity and quality in my life...

So I am now doing the P90X workout. Here is what I have noted so far:
1. OOOOUUUUCCCCCHHHH. I worked really hard the first day and 7 days later still feel it
2. Apparently there are muscles in the back. You would think that an undergraduate degree in Exercise Physiology and a MD would be enough to know that. But let me bear testimony: there are muscles in your back. I hurt them.
3. Doing this workout makes you want to avoid donuts and junk food... I look at them in anger and say (both to myself and to them) "This is YOUR FAULT!"
4. Gatorade is good. Do not make the mistake of drinking Propel Lemon water before a chest, shoulder, and back workout. I did, and the results are that I was more volume depleted as a result. (In-Out=total in)

All joking aside, I am doing it and make the following recommendations to anyone else. Make it a P97X Take the first 7 days at half speed, then start for real, your body will thank you for it. Mine is hating me right now... but it feels good.

Development

So, I bought a motorcycle.

Before anyone gets too concerned about me killing myself, you should know it was not running.

As far as I can tell, the last time it was driven was in 2000. That is what the tags say anyway. For $175, I bought a 1981 Kawasaki KZ440. It is a "cruiser". Assuming I can get it street legal.

So what can you get for $175? Here are a list of things wrong with it.
1. Every nut, screw, bolt is rusted to the frame.
2. The brakes are so good that the wheel won't spin. The back wheel is rusted in place.
3. No battery.
4. The carbeurator is full of what can only be described as carrot jello.
5. The tank is rusted.
6. The mufflers are rusted so bad, the are actually amplifiers.
7. No mirrors.

So Golden and I have been working on this in our free time for the past couple of months and two weekends ago.... drumroll... we got it running. Under its own power. Stopping with its newly rebuilt brakes. I have actually riden it for 300 yards! Now all I need is a Helmut!

Total cost so far: $310, most of it was battery. It is kind of fun to pretend to be a mechanic.

So, I think I paid too much when I bought it initially. But, it is amazing that one can turn a hunk of garbage into a motorcycle... I kind of want to find a car for $175 and see what I can do.

Anyone want to get rid of a car?

Homeless

I have been without my family for a month and 4 days now. I have been living on the floor of my sister in law's apartment. That being said, I think I have worked all but a couple of days in that time, so I am really not "Home". Nor do I even own a home. But when I am alone, and not at work, strange things have happened.

While moving I had an interesting experience. My family had just left for Texas. Even when our house was emptied of all our stuff it still felt like home. And at one point while sweeping the garage out, I heard Eli call to me from upstairs. Of course I went to check and there was nothing there, but the paint on the walls reminded me.

I came home one night and Emma's Cat had pooped on the couch. My first thought was "Eli! What did you do!"

Not having kids around is creepy. Much like the calm before a storm. The calmness is a little creepy for me. With Kids, quit is an ominous sound. For example, If you are around the kids and it is quiet, it usually means Eli is breaking something, writing on something, or has given Dora some rocks to eat. Stillness is really very anxiety provoking to me now.

In order to combat the stillness, I have tried to do stuff to make my current living environment less calm. This morning I wiped my grubby dirty hands all over my cloths. I went to church with wrinkled pants. I leave papers scattered all over my room. My latest development is to leave Dirty dishes on the coffee table.

Now I am sleeping better, and having fewer hallucinations. It is too bad Emma may not appreciate my decorating,